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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Struggles

So I don't normally chose to vent about anything on here. Mainly because I feel embarrassed to show that I/my family actually have issues just like everyone else and the fact that I cry while writing the entire blog but I really appreciate when others blog about theirs so I thought maybe someone out there would have some real advice for me on how to handle all of this. So many of you know that I really have a hard time with my Ashley. I just struggle with being her mom and feel guilty all the time that I am not a better mother to her but she frustrates me so much and in so many ways. This last thing was getting into the Easter candy which I put in my room so she wouldn't sneak it and she still did. Not just a little bit of it but almost all of it is gone. That fact that it was in my room and she went in there really irritates me but the worst part is the fact that she is sneaking around getting into things. It is like stealing to me because only 1/3 of it was even hers. I have talk to her over and over again about getting into food that is in the pantry or fridge without asking but it doesn't seem to even matter to her she just keeps on doing it. So today I asked her about the candy and she told me she got into it and I tried to explain that it was stealing and that people that steal have the police come and arrest them and they go to jail. I thought maybe if I put a scare tactic into it she will actually get it but who knows. And this probably wasn't the best way to teach her but I am at my wits end with her. I just have noticed more and more this last semester how immature she is for her age and I don't know what to do. I did have a girlfriend over the other night that told me she stop praying for her daughter to make the right choices and instead is now praying for her to be the best mom for her daughter. I thought that I should really try that. We will see what happens. Along with all of her issues I am dealing with a 2 year old who can't talk, has severe frustration issues, is aggressive, and going through multiple test right now with Early Learning Services. For me at home I am use to his ways but taking him to these tests has been hard to have to watch him throw a tantrum which is above and beyond a 2 yr old tantrum and not do anything so that the professionals can see how he reacts. And then yesterday after the test was done some stupid counselor in the next room who has nothing to do with ELS came to ask what we were doing to this child. Because she had a client who could hear it all and it really bothered the client who had been abused as a child. Are you kidding me. I found it very offensive that this counselor would divulge that kind of information about their client. Why didn't they come and knock to make sure Wyatt was ok and then let the client know the child was fine. With all of this I know things will get better for Wyatt because he will get the professional help he needs, it is just another stresser in my life when I have 3 major things right now as stessers that are here or coming in the near future. A new baby, moving and finding a job for Derek. I have realized though that I don't think I will ever have a time in my life when I don't have a trial. I guess I just have to be refined that much. Sorry this is such a long post for me but I really needed to get it all out.

4 comments:

tellepa said...

I don't normally read your blog but I'm glad I clicked into it today. I will be interested to see any advice.

I have this issue with Bethany too. Today I found a whole package of feta cheese on my desk. I don't even know when she got this out.

For the most part she is pretty good and listens well but in this area with food she is disobedient constantly. Ice cream was her breakfast the other day.

Help me too! I don't want to cause eating issues and I don't mind her eating I just want her to ask!!

She seems to believe forgiveness is easier to ask for than permission and I want it to be the other way. She is only three but she is a smart three...

You are doing a great job, it is hard being a mom and I know that prayers do help if for nothing else to make us calmer.

Heather said...

So I too have had this problem with my Emma. Mind you she is quite a bit younger than Ashley, but after trying over and over to talk to her, I decided that I can't change it. So together we talked about how to help her be honest. We started saying prayers together and she asked Heavenly Father to help her to remember to ask. In my prayers, I prayed to remember to say yes when she asked. I think all to often we say no as moms, and most of the time it really wouldn't make much of a difference if we said yes.
We still have troubles, but I know that when we ask Emma to pray for something and she is the one asking, we see much better results than when WE are trying to change her behavior. It has to be her decission to want to change and ask for the help in doing so.
I don't know what to tell you about Wyatt. I am in the same boat. Keep praying and the answers hopefully will come. Love you Girl. Hang in there.

Candi said...

oh boy nikki do I hear ya. Brooklyn is going through this stage where everything is taken so personally. She runs and cries in her room. I just don't know what I'm goning to do about that. This may be harsh but maybe you should try taking something of Ashley's that is special to her and when she asks for it tell her that you took it and ask how she felt when you took something without asking? I don't know. All I know is I try that with my kids sometimes when they start taking each other's things. It sure makes them stop and think. I really hope things get easier for you guys. love ya. Thank you for sharing. Its nice to know that another mom besides me gets to the end of her rope sometimes.

The Monkey Mama said...

Nikki- I hear ya. I struggle so much with my oldest. Different issues, but similar pain.
Please know that my thoughts are with you. You're a strong woman and you'll conquer this.
-Cortney