Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I want to run away

So is it bad of me as I sit down in the office and listen to all the bickering of my kids to feel like running and never coming back. Lately I feel so alone in this fight as a mother. I feel like a failure a lot of the time. They never seem to listen to anyone except their dad and that's only if it gets to the point of him screaming which many of you know doesn't take very long. I feel so much pressure to be a mom, help find Derek a job, keep my house up, take care of all the bills, help my sister plan her wedding (which most of the time this is the one fun thing I have), loss weight, and be a trophy wife which will never happen. I don't understand why I struggle all the time with all of this but I do. When I was in Pullman I was able to at least escape a few times a month to enjoy my girlfriends while scrap booking. I really think this helped keep my sanity through all the hard times there. Now though I don't have that and I truly miss it. This has been really difficult for me to be in AZ and I didn't think it would be since most of my family is here. I want so badly to feel like things in my life are on the right track all the time. Someday I know I will look back and realize how fun this time in my life was but right now I am really not enjoying it. Guess that's enough ranting for today hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Job Search

So yet again we are on the job hunt. We knew this would be happening at some point this year as Derek's position was for this year only. We just thought we had more time like till around the end of August to have a new job in place. I had already started to see what was available out there luckily so I have been able to get resumes sent right away. I just don't understand the why and may never know. I just wish that this man could actually keep a job for more than a few months. And when the reasons of why are never told to you how do you change and become better. We really are at a lose at this point and feel so overwhelmed with all that this entails to find a job and keep the household going. Sometimes I think haven't I learned what I was supposed to the last time we lost a job and had to go through this but I guess not because it just keeps happening. I pray that this journey is a short one and we find him a good job that he can succeed at and love.