Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I want to run away

So is it bad of me as I sit down in the office and listen to all the bickering of my kids to feel like running and never coming back. Lately I feel so alone in this fight as a mother. I feel like a failure a lot of the time. They never seem to listen to anyone except their dad and that's only if it gets to the point of him screaming which many of you know doesn't take very long. I feel so much pressure to be a mom, help find Derek a job, keep my house up, take care of all the bills, help my sister plan her wedding (which most of the time this is the one fun thing I have), loss weight, and be a trophy wife which will never happen. I don't understand why I struggle all the time with all of this but I do. When I was in Pullman I was able to at least escape a few times a month to enjoy my girlfriends while scrap booking. I really think this helped keep my sanity through all the hard times there. Now though I don't have that and I truly miss it. This has been really difficult for me to be in AZ and I didn't think it would be since most of my family is here. I want so badly to feel like things in my life are on the right track all the time. Someday I know I will look back and realize how fun this time in my life was but right now I am really not enjoying it. Guess that's enough ranting for today hopefully tomorrow will be better.


Drew, Leah, Saige and Lillie Whitehead said...

oh Nikki. I feel your pain. Don't feel bad cause all us moms out there are shaking our heads totally understanding where you are coming from. Girlfriend! I only have 2 kids and 6 1/2 out of the 7 days in the week I feel like just running away and quiting it all. Like wait.. doesn't all those old people (our parents ;) haha) say this is the best time in our lives enjoy every second they fly by. Ummm... whens that gonna hit cause I have not felt that way in a LONG time and many days I hope they do fly by haha. You're doing great! Tomorrow is a new day. Take a deep breath and trudge through. Try and enjoy the little things. We can do it!! Love you!

The Monkey Mama said...

I feel for you. I had a time in motherhood that I thought of running away. Keep holding on... it will improve. I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best for you.

Heather said...

Maybe you should start would help with your weight loss ?? ;) On the more serious note, I don't think that you are alone in this quest, or the problem of our kids not listening to us. I have the same problem and it is so frustrating. I have a friend who blogs beautifully. I love reading what she blogs about, and her kids can be quite the interesting story to read about. She posted this
A few weeks ago that helped me put some things into perspective. Go there and read it. If you cry, I'm sorry for doing that, but I think you'll understand why I wanted you to read it. Keep your chin up and carry on. Love YOu!